Let's Take a Walk...

((Molly/Coven continued from: https://incendio.rpg-board.net/t98p105-stubborn-jenn#1780 ))

Highly doubting now that there was anything Molly actually had to say, based on the fact that she hadn't managed to say anything, not a word, Coven sighed and spoke for himself. Because he did have something to say, and perhaps he'd caught Molly in a listening mood. "You up for taking another trip to the lake? I think we really need to talk." He watched her for a few seconds more, expression still guarded and distantly skeptical, and then started walking past her toward the lake, shaking off the obvious gaze of Fallon. Yeah, no way was discussion around here going to work, but he was positive that things had to change between him and Molly. Hopefully, Molly would decide to follow, because Coven was not considering the option of going back for her.

Coven's stand-offish behavior had Molly's ears pinning backwards and a frown on her face in a matter of moments. But as he walked away, she knew that he wouldn't be returning for her, should she not follow. But regardless of how his guarded eyes and distant tone sounded, she turned to follow him. She knew that Fallon was watching her, and she mentally made a note to tackle the female and torture her for putting her in this situation, but for now, she ignored the other female's gaze. Soon she was out of sight anyways and near the lake with Coven. Unsure of what to do next, she looked up at him, her eyes studying his obvious guarded and unhappy expression a concerned and confused frown crossing her face. She wished the words to come, but instead she was forced to dig through the chaos in her brain to find them.

When she opened her mouth to speak, this time she managed to make words, although she wasn't sure what they were until they came out into the tense air around them. "Coven, I'm sorry." She said softly, knowing that he probably didn't even know why she had been avoiding him in the first place. She had panicked, and then she had foolishly let things go too far. Now she didn't know how to fix them. "Please don't leave m....uh....the pack." She said softly, looking away as she almost slipped up again like she had when she was talking to Fallon. She wasn't sure what was going on in his head, or whether or not he still wanted to leave, but she knew that he had, and she didn't know what would happen if he did eventually follow after Inferno.

Coven stood still, glaring at the lake for a moment as he collected his thoughts. Molly helped him figure out where to start. As she finished, he whipped his head toward her with narrowed eyes. "Was that what I did to set this off? Scare you into thinking I was leaving? Molly!" The male was growling in frustration, realizing that the answers from Molly were 'yes'. "Why can you never trust me enough to talk to me? I would have told you what I was thinking!" The question was rhetorical, but it was important. This was a constant issue between the two wolves, one that somehow never had gotten resolved. Coven had thought about this long and hard over the past few weeks, and he understood why things were so shaky between he and Molly in these issues. And because of that enlightenment, his response to this pack issue was different now than it had been back when Inferno had gone.

He took a few heavy breaths, staring down at Molly and softening his gaze slightly. This decision had come slowly, and he'd fought it as hard as he could - for a while now - but it had come down to fighting himself and fighting Molly. And Coven had lost to Molly. Even though she apparently didn't think so, the black wolf was sure it was what he needed to do. "I don't think there's anything left for me here, so it's time to move on."

Molly flinched as Coven yelled and growled, making her instinctively lower her head slightly. Opened her mouth to speak, but he seemed to discern the answer for himself and continue to yell. She took a few steps back, confused by what he meant and a bit shaken by his yelling. "I...uh...." She said, not sure what to do or say for fear of upsetting him more. But when he took a few deep breaths and softened his gaze slightly, she tilted her head in confusion. What the hell was up with him???

When he spoke again, she took another step back, her muzzle parting in desperation and protest. "You're.....leaving?" She managed to stutter out, her voice soft and seeming on the edge of breaking down. If a wolf could go pale, she would have looked like a ghost. How could he say that she didn't trust him, when he had decided to leave and confirmed her fear? How could he leave her? What would she do without him? Was the pack not enough? Was she not enough? Her ears pinned back as the questions swirled chaotically in her mind, her legs growing shaky as she took another step backwards and was forced to sink down to the ground to keep from collapsing.

The black wolf nodded a confirmation, head turned toward the lake once more, as there was no way he could face the stricken look in Molly's face for a second more. To remind him of his reasoning for this choice, and to explain to Molly, Coven started talking. Better late than never, he was going to be completely honest, not withholding anything. At least he would be able to walk away leaving her with no questions.

"I think I've told you that I've bounced from pack to pack for a while now. Nothing ever fit in the end, and I'm starting to think it has more to do with me and less to do with the packs. It's gotten to that point here in Silverlight. I hit this point months ago, got restless again, realized this pack wasn't exactly right. Later, Inferno challenged some of the issues I was having...and I realized after thinking about it why I agreed so much: that's how I grew up, that's what's ingrained into my very being as natural and right, and I can't change it. And I haven't found it." And Coven was convinced that he probably never would find 'it' again. Staying in one pack after going through so many now felt like how it had been when he was forced to stay in the dens instead of being off moving, exploring, fighting. It was like a cage, this one territory that the wolves never left.

The wolf continued on speaking, now glancing over at Molly remorsefully, "I've stayed in Silverlight longer than I've stayed in any pack, anyway, and it was because of you. I did want to follow Inferno when he left, because I believed he could found a pack like what I'd been seeking. There were other motivators that aren't important right now, also. But I didn't leave." Coven paused for a second, letting his soft snarl rumble away. Inclining his head slightly to look at the white wolfess full on, he affirmed seriously, "Molly, I care more about you than I've ever cared for anyone in my life. I didn't leave because I couldn't bring myself to leave you. My happiest moments have been here with you...but this past month I've had a lot of time to think, and I realized that I've been overlooking for a long time that I am not what you need me to be. The reason we have such a hard time communicating, why I'm constantly offending or hurting you somehow, why I have nothing left here, is that you need and want from me more than what I can give you. And I've given my all."

Molly could barely look at him as he spoke about his reasons for leaving. At first, she felt denial fill her, then the anger came, burning through her like nothing she had ever felt before. Her ears pinned backwards in anger and frustration as she turned away from him, hot tears burning her eyes as she tried to control herself. When he continued to speak, she took deep, pained breaths and sat down, her back to him as he finished. It took her several moments to force the burning anger down to her stomach with deep breaths, but finally she looked back at him, unable to keep the tears from spilling from her eyes. "What will I do without you?" She asked softly, her voice cracking as more tears spilled from her eyes and she let her head drop so she was now staring at the ground. She hated sharing her den with Rayne, she hated having to take care of everyone all the time, and she hated that the only wolf in the pack she really cared for was leaving her. She had never felt so alone in her entire life, even when the pack had been scattered and she had been starving, she had never felt this alone and abandoned. Slowly she sank down to the ground, her legs no longer strong enough to hold her up on her feet as the anger simmered away into desperation and depression, leaving her feeling more lifeless and alone than ever. She wanted to beg him to stay, to apologize, to tell him that she needed him and wanted him, but all she could do was lay there, frozen and weak, wishing for everything that he was taking away from her.

Watching Molly break down was hard, but Coven had managed to reforge the steel lacing his will that had somehow become corroded during this time in Silverlight spent with the healer. Fortunately, she made it easier for him when she turned her back on him, as usual. This is what it had been the whole time: Coven was just her crutch, and when he didn't support her precisely as she desired, Molly crumbled. Again and again. If he had ever needed it, no way would she be able to support him. This, breaking off, was right.

"What will you do?" he repeated in a soft rasp, harshness still unconsciously spiking his words. "Grow stronger, rekindle a relationship with the pack, move on...pretty much everything my presence has been hindering." He wished it was possible that he could come back to a less fragile Molly, not changed, just more stable on her own. Perhaps time would be what it took for her, though Coven was too free himself to wait around any longer. She was miserable because she couldn't overcome this anyway, and the black wolf had found he couldn't help her. Perhaps his absence would do more good than Molly anticipated...not that he trusted her to do it herself. Fallon would be a good person to talk to before he left for...wherever he was going.

When he spoke again, the anger that she had swallowed burned up to her throat once more. She looked up at him, her ears pinning back and a growl rumbling in her throat. "You coward." She growled, getting to her feet and glaring at him. "Because you don't want to put in the damn effort, you're running away." She hissed, moving towards him and stopping right in front of him. "I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry that you're too full of yourself to swallow your damn pride and talk to me. I hope you find whatever the hell it is you're looking for." She snarled, resisting to urge to lunge at him as she stood there. But although she wanted to walk away from him now, she found herself glued to the spot, unable to turn her back on him like it had been so easy to do before. "I needed you here, and I'm sorry I made this place a prison for you. I really do hope you find someone that can make you happy, like I obviously couldn't." She said softly, swallowing her anger and sitting down, still looking up at him. She didn't know if she'd ever fill the void he was leaving her with, but he was leaving her with no choice. "You know, I want to beg you to stay, to tell you that I can be whatever you want me to be....but I know I can't change your mind. I love you, Coven, and no one else can take your place. I'm just sorry that I couldn't fill that place for you. I really hope you find someone that can, wherever you're going." She said, her voice incredibly soft and very shaky as she forced the words out.

Automatically, the wolf growled back at Molly, pinning his ears to his skull. He didn't contradict her initial comments - especially the 'running away' part - though they were wrong; let her think whatever she wanted. Obviously, she wasn't listening, again. Clenching his jaw shut to keep from interjecting, Coven endured Molly's angry outburst. It was when her words dwindled to just wisps of breath that he flinched, experiencing an agonizing wrenching of pain as her words jolted through him. That last part he had to counter, to get it out of Molly's head and to get him to really let go. "You don't love me, Molly. How can it be, when you are so horrified by just my thoughts that you have to run? Whatever you think you'll be missing when I'm gone, I'm sure you can find in any warm body with ears. If it's missing a brain and free will, then it'd be just perfect for you." He hadn't intended to make that as biting as it was, but he had just convinced himself that it was true. It probably was...what else did he have to offer her, really? As for finding someone to fill that void Molly was talking about, that'd never happen, he knew. Molly was right about his pride, and Coven knew now that finding someone to match him would end up like his quest to find a pack. And after this experience, there was no way he was even interested in trying. Coven was tough: tough enough to make it alone, and tough enough to get over Molly, one day.

Molly flinched at his words, her ears flicking backwards painfully as the words stung. But she swallowed the comments, refusing to believe them. "I do love you, Coven. Deny it all you want, it's true." She said softly, her words surprisingly patient, more so than she had meant them to be. She swallowed and took a deep breath before continuing. "I was horrified by your thoughts of leaving because I needed you." She said, looking up at him, studying his face. "Do you know why I love you, Coven?" She asked, getting to her feet and stepping towards him, now only inches from him and forcing him to look her in the eyes. "I love you because no matter how complicated or crazy I am, you understand me. You know what I'm thinking, even when you pretend that you don't. I don't just need a warm body, I can get that from any pack member here. I love your brain, and hell, even your free will. I just wish you weren't so proud and cowardly not to run away. You make me feel like no one else ever has, or ever will. You make me feel wanted and loved, whether or not you actually love me." She said, unable to resist gently licking his cheek. "I wish I could be for you, what you've been for me. I'm sorry I couldn't make you love me back." She whispered, remaining where she was, looking him in the eye, wishing he did indeed love her back.

Coven stood still, the change in Molly's tone inadvertently causing him to prick his ears in order to focus more. His expression lost its hostility and became almost despairing. He did love Molly (she was stupid to let his angry words at her fearful actions sway her from months of proof), but they had so many issues, and he was definitely tired of the petty problems they had over and over.

She was so close, so beautiful, and despite everything, still his best friend. Even her shortcomings, amplified by his own, couldn't change the fact that what he'd said about 'caring for her more than anyone ever' was not a lie. His brain told him to shrink back from her touch, leave now, because all his logic said that it was right. Coven hadn't done a good enough job of preparing for this; anger hadn't been enough to carry him through. "Molly, I do love you..." he whispered in a strangled voice. He wasn't supposed to say that. Shaking his head and stepping back, the black wolf stared at her, now obviously torn. "Alright...Molly..." How it was his turn to fumble his words. After coming so far, so close to leaving, how was it that suddenly his reasons for going were evaporating from his brain like hot springs mist? There were two things on his mind that he couldn't yet articulate: he wanted her, and he wanted things to be different. He also wanted her to talk, because he couldn't.

Molly's ears pricked slightly as he said that he loved her, her eyes looking up into his as he stepped back and spoke again. It was obvious he was the one fumbling over his words now, and as he put distance between them, she stepped forward to close it. She didn't stop in front of him, though, but moved closer, nuzzling him affectionately and closing her eyes. "Please don't leave me." She said, her voice barely above a whisper as she swallowed her pride and begged him not to leave her. At this point, she would do anything to keep fron parting with him. She stayed close, breathing in his scent and leaning against him. Finally she stepped back ever-so-slightly, so she could look into his face. "Please."

Before encountering Molly today, Coven had gone over what he'd say and what would happen when he finally informed her of his decision. He'd foreseen her turning away from him, and he'd reacted in actuality as he had in his head. He'd foreseen this gesture of hers, too, but in his mind, the wolf had shrugged her off, listed off his reasons again, and walked off alone. Now she was here, face in his fur, and the warrior wasn't moving.

The black wolf's yellow eyes searched Molly's brown ones, looking for anything but what he was finding. Love and sincerity weren't helping his cause. "Molly," he broke down, his head lowered to level with hers, "I know I haven't been perfect at being honest with you...well, we both know I keep a lot from you; but you do the same. I won't leave, if you promise you won't leave me again." The wolf hardened his voice, remembering his qualms again, "I hate when you turn away from me and quit talking, like you don't care that I'm there. This is me complaining: you've left me over and over, and I've stayed by you. All I need is for you to promise to do the same." Molly had failed, for a month straight, at that, and that had been too long for Coven. But he did love her for everything else, and she just reminded him...enough to get him to consider giving this a second chance. He was proud enough for begging to be intensely effective. (The fact that he couldn't make himself hate her helped, too.)

Molly held his gaze has he searched her eyes for something that she could tell he wasn't finding. This was confirmed when he broke down and spoke. She remained silent as he spoke, listening carefully to his words and letting them sink in. She knew that she had failed him, and as he spoke the words, she nodded slowly. "I'm sorry I've been so difficult, Coven. I won't leave you again, I promise." She said softly, looking up at him and meaning every word. As he said he'd stay, the huge weight that she felt in her heart seemed to lift, and she found that she could breathe again. A soft exhale of relief escaped her muzzle as she stepped forward a bit, wanting nothing more than to be close to him. She promised him, and herself, that she would be less difficult. She wasn't sure how she'd be able to do that, but she knew that she'd try.

He said nothing, just leaned forward slightly to touch his muzzle to the base of the white she-wolf's ear, breathing slow and deep. Unlike Molly, the male was not relieved; he was worried...afraid? Afraid that it wouldn't be worth it, that he'd hurt even worse if this happened again, afraid he was losing part of himself? Ok, when it came to trust, maybe he wasn't so tough, and that's why wandering, leaving before loyalty could set in, had been so appealing to the wolf for so long. Because he wanted Molly, Coven was going to try again, but he wasn't sure it'd be the same for a while. If they could make it through that, it might work out altogether.

"Do you want to go back now?" he asked softly, eyes closed as he stayed touching the soft white fur around her ears. Going back...that really was something he wasn't sure he wanted to do. But Molly was at home here, needed here, and he at least had some kind of a place here, beyond Molly. If the opportunity arose again, there was a high likelihood of Coven heading off, but not without Molly.

Her eyes closed slowly as his muzzle touched the base of her ear, and she kept still, enjoying the feeling. When he finally spoke, she still didn't move. "Not just yet." She said softly, shifting so that she was now closer to him, sitting in front of him with her head nuzzled into his chest. She wanted to enjoy being close to him right now, without the pack's interference. She knew that the could enjoy peace here together, at least until it got colder. Sure, she was getting stronger, but it was still spring and the nights were cold. She had been gaining some weight as of lately, but still, even with Coven's warmth, she wouldn't be able to stay out all night. But for now, it was warm enough for her to be fine, and she inhaled deeply, breathing in his scent slowly. "You smell wonderful." She said softly, burying her nose in his fur and closing her eyes.

Eyes still closed, the wolf moved his muzzle through the white fur to Molly's neck as she came in closer. At least she seemed to have bounced back quickly. Coven felt like his legs were going to collapse like his motivation, energy zapped from his body and mind by the polar flood of emotions that had just coursed through him. That's what he was feeling: defeat, and it hurt somehow; just a residual symptom of changing a life-path. It would go away, with Molly's help, hopefully.

At Molly's comment, the wolf only hummed a brief note of acknowledgment, too caught up in feeling her, being stunned, and plain numbness to do much else. 'Molly, Molly, Molly...' There was something soothing about that word, so he kept repeating it to himself. "I'm sorry," he finally whispered, pressing his head into Molly's neck. That helped put him back together.

As his muzzle moved to her neck, she leaned against him, enjoying the feeling of her body against his. Finally when he spoke, her ear twitched towards his face, enjoying the sound of his voice. "Don't be sorry, I shouldn't have been so difficult and stupid. I'm the one that's sorry." She said softly, her eyes closed and a soft, peaceful sigh escaping her muzzle as she relaxed against him. She knew what he needed from her, and she wanted to give it. He was what she needed, and now it was time for her to be what he needed. She promised herself that she would swallow her pride more often, and that she'd support him and be there for him, no matter what.

She had him back, and she was never going to give him up. She nuzzled closer, inhaling his scent once more before lifting her head slowly and leaning back to look up at him. "But, you gotta share a den with me." She said softly, a teasing smile now on her face. She wasn't going to force him to leave the warrior's den, but she knew she hated sharing her den with Rayne. It wasn't that she disliked the other healer, no, it's just that she had no say in the matter and she preferred to choose who she shared her dens with. Not be forced to share one by the pack.

He'd been the same in many instances, but he knew that Molly knew it and was letting him off, so there wasn't really a reason to comment about who was more sorry. Apologies from both wolves was a good basis for where they wanted to go.

As Molly moved, Coven pulled away to meet her gaze, cocking an ear at her request. He was still a little too stricken to reciprocate the wolfess' smile, and that seemed to also be affecting his comprehension. With an honestly confused look, Coven tried to clarify, "Meaning...you leave the healer's den or I sleep in there?" Either way, he wasn't going to refuse her on this simple request, which he would be glad of as well, but would it be strange for Molly not to sleep in the healer's den? And the healer's den was restricted to him, technically.

Molly couldn't help but smile in amusement and affection at his confusion. She personally found it adorable that he didn't understand her teasing. She tilted her nose up, licking his cheek and wagging her tail slightly. "I like Rayne, but I don't like sharing a den with her. I didn't really have any say in her living there. I want to be able to choose who I share a den with. Does that make any sense? Or am I just crazy?" She asked, tilting her head to the side slightly at her question. Although she wasn't sure if she was just being crazy, a slight joking glint in her eye warned him not to call her crazy.

Finally she shrugged, looking over at the lake for a moment before speaking again. "I'd rather we shared a den of our own. It's not completely necessary that I live in the healer's den. I can still get to all my supplies and live in a different den." She said, frowning as she realized that her sentence needed correcting. "I mean...our supplies." She corrected, speaking about Rayne. She wasn't used to having another healer around, and she was still getting used to the idea. She didn't dislike Rayne, in fact, Rayne had saved her life, but she still had some adjusting to do after so long as the pack's sole healer.

Though still not in the mood to smile or joke back, Coven could still agree with Molly. "You're not crazy, and much of the pack would agree. All the warriors, at least. No one sleeps in that den except for Chaos." He definitely understood what she was talking about and employed his own ability to chose every night. As did Pravin and Xerxses.

Coven nodded while Molly talked, confirming when she'd concluded, "You can come share my den; you're so small, that it'll fit you easily." First attempt at a joke, though his face was still solemn, as if he were going to spout off his list again at any moment. Noticing that Molly still didn't seem to have fully taken to the idea of Rayne being involved in this healing business now, Coven added, bumping her cheek softly with his nose, "At least Rayne and the pups are the only things you're going to have to adjust to."

She smiled when he said she could share his den, and rolled her eyes slightly at what she assumed was a joke about her size, even though his expression didn't change. As his nose bumped her cheek softly, she looked up at him, worried about his solem look, but glad to hear the words he spoke. "There'll be even more pups soon. Laek is almost ready to give birth." She said softly, looking back in the direction of the pack and thinking about the young female. But soon her mind went back to Coven, wondering what their relationship was now considered. But right now wasn't the time to harass him about titles to their relationship. They could talk about that later. She was just glad she still had him, grateful and relieved that he agreed to stay.

As they sat there and enjoyed the peace, the day began to slowly fade, leaving them sitting beside the lake watching a beautiful sunset. She watched the sky turn orange and pink, the colors reflecting in her eyes as she leaned against the black male beside her. It was getting colder, and she found herself huddling closer to him as a cold breeze blew over the lake as the sun finally set below the horizon.

Yeah, more pups. Now would be a really bad time for him to mention that he still disliked the fact that they were Cas's offspring. Because they were also Laek's, it could be bearable. But he quit thinking about that, quit thinking about everything. Forgetting today was not only impossible, but it was a bad idea. Things were moving in a different direction than before, hopefully; at least, the two had opened up completely, finally. It was time to get back to normal...that is, the normal that didn't involve the silent-treatment from Molly. "Let's head back," suggested the male once the darkness began to set in. Getting to his feet, Coven turned back toward the dens, looking forward to putting this day behind him for now and getting to move on tomorrow.

Molly knew that Coven hated Cas, but she didn't think it a good idea to mention it now, nor did he obviously. She shivered slightly as another cold breeze drew her closer to him until he finally got to his feet and said they should head back. She slowly stood and followed him as he headed back to the dens, bumping against him slightly as she came up beside him, an affectionate lick against his neck following the contact. As they walked, she found that she enjoyed following him, and she was glad she didn't have to share the healers den with Rayne.

Finally the dens came into view, and she looked up at him, waiting for him to lead the way to his den, ignoring the looks she assumed they were getting, especially from Fallon. However, most of the pack had disappeared into dens by now, and it seemed like the last few stragglers were heading off to sleep soon too. She found herself yawning softly, the high-pitched noise echoing in the nearby air as she let her eyes close for a moment and lost her balance, clumsily bumping Coven once more and flattening her ears apologetically as she righted herself.

It was a quiet walk back, but Coven didn't mind. He didn't even glance at the other wolves as he passed through the clearing, heading first to the storage den, as if everything was normal. To the pack, nothing had been terribly amiss, and it was helpful for Coven to pretend nothing had happened, too. The change he'd been prepared to make was brutal to Molly and a betrayal to Blitz, and it was packing on enough guilt and anxiety and exhaustion onto his already stressed out body that the idea of faking normal looked quite appealing.

After quickly grabbing some food from the storage and making sure Molly got a share as well, the black wolf led her to the den in one of the outer rings that he'd chosen as his own since leaving the healer's den. He walked in and lay down against the back wall with his food, watching Molly and hoping she didn't mind his utter silence.